Everything is f*cked — Mark Manson
Book summary 2/3
We feel compelled to “reciprocate” emotions: if one hurts you, and you want to hurt them too.
if you step foot on the table, you scream at the table.
If we fail to “reciprocate”, we conclude that we deserved it. and vice versa
and therefore it seems that self-esteem decreases.
same thing if they give us too much free stuff we think we deserve it and therefore that we are people of high value (basically assholes).
We are all a bit narcissistic by nature, because things always happen through us and we are at the center of what we see.
And then I’m narcissism is needed to have this hope that is needed to live.
Our identity changes after each experience
e.g. if a partner leaves you one you think you are not worth that much.
If partner leaves you, you think all the man/women are all stupid, then be careful because if you find a normal one you think that’s not possible, somehow it offends your opinion and you are tempted to believe that that person must be shitty too.
As children we have fragile identities
.. and for this reason our identity suffers so much from every little thing.
if father abandons his son -> you think you are not one to love.
wife abandons for a richer one -> you decide that intimacy does not exist, that you cannot trust anyone.
We need to analyze these episodes and understand well. The father did not know how to love, and the wife is a dickhead (or in turn left so she herself had no capacity for intimacy), it has nothing to do with you.
You love people who love what you love. We attract each other for values and consistency
That’s how we are done.
if the region has a lot of food and wine, then it enhances / has an identity of hospitality, celebrations and family (southern europe).
if region has arid and difficult and sparse, then people value authority, military and domination (russia).
How to fund a religion
Needs a common enemy and blame him for all evils.
religion brings people together to validate each other.
people in shit do not believe so much in their values that they have betrayed them, and look for new values that religion gives them, so they send missionaries to poor places.
It is similar to facebook, with conspiracies / conpirations, the need to create communities around something.
everyone has i of him, e.g. money: then they love you and respect you if you have money; conflicts and frustration, jealousy, everything to do with money.
for others it is love, or Jesus or Buddha, or pleasure, or power.
Sti values are subjective you cannot argue or convince anyone to change them or which is better, everyone evaluates things according to their own values that translate what happens to their brain.
if meteor kills half of the population, everyone has their own explanation:
religious: there are too many sinners
atheist: proof that god does not exist
hedonist (one who only thinks of pleasure): one more reason to have fun, we could die at any moment
capistalista: think about how to invest in anti-meteorite systems
Types of religion based on what you believe: god, system or other person
spiritual = believe in higher entities, they have huge followers and people kill for them. in the past they fell for it because diseases killed, many were slaves, they lived little, they had to believe in a better life. They last for thousands of years because you can’t prove that god doesn’t exist.
- ideological = believes in doing certain things to improve “this” life: capitalism, communism, fascism, environmentalism, last a few decades apart from a few, are cultural trends. difficult to navigate in the world then the brain to lose shortcuts and remains ignorant believing in bullshit like sesissmo and racism.
- interpersonal = believes in other people (boyfriend, kids, sports heroes, political leaders and celebrities), we usually do it as naive teenagers, but then we grow up. we believe that these people improve our lives and save us.
How religions (and conspiracies) convince you
1) I divine you in “us” or “them”
if you don’t believe in war -> then you believe in terrorism.
you are not a feminist -> then you are sexist
capitalist -> communist
president -> traitor
2) they invent that there is something to fight
e.g. crusades, vaccine, government
3) sacrifices and rituals
which are used to visualize and as a reminder of what is important. Couples also create stupid ritual roles, to connect to the past and our values. and in copy you sacrifice your freedom
4) promise heaven
the more a religion promises, the more bullshit it says.
if truly someone could solve all your problems, then you would never contact them again. no leader or salesperson is stupid enough to do it.
Perfect equality impossible, freedom does not exist (you have to set limits for system stability e.g. 50km/h in the city). there are no solutions, only mental improvements or alternatives with pros / cons but all in all equivalent.
Nietzsche against God and all ideologies
Physically ill, he spoke well of the strong and rich because they deserved it with effort, he hated the church that helped the weak and forced women into marriage. he writes a book that god is dead but no one publishes it to him.
he hated all ideologies: democracy, socialism, communism. he had a Buddhist mindset and believed that any kind of attachment (sex, religion, nationality) was a mirage and still created more conflicts than they solved.